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I should start by saying that I'm not a big believer in marriage.
Mind you, I'm all for everybody's right to get and be married (in fact, I took my first foray into real political activism this past weekend with the Courage Campaign), and I also don't lend much credence to the idea that human beings are made for infidelity and we can't help but knock boots with random strangers. (I do believe that most of us would like to knock said boots, but we are capable of acting contrary to our primal urges. Mostly.) It's just that all the evidence around me has made me a tad cynical. So while I think a lifelong partnership is certainly an ideal and worthy goal, I just don't see that many people making it work. Not in my life, anyway.
Off the top of my head, I could only think of one married couple that I knew IRL that had real staying power: one of my friends had been married for over 20 years, and though she and her husband were often at odds, they also usually seemed to be very much in love. Which was why it was a shock to me when I called that friend and she told me she was leaving her husband.
I should say too that I'm not necessarily against divorce. Actually, I'm for divorce as a process and institution, because I think too many people get married in an attempt to fix a relationship that's already failing, or because they've decided that nothing better will ever come along, or because they're pregnant, or any number of other reasons that don't really center around wanting to be married to that person forever and ever. So I tried to be supportive of my friend's drastic change in life.
Until she told me that she had recently rekindled a romance with the boyfriend of her teen years. The one I had always sort of figured she was still in love with but better off rid of.
"Wait," I said. "You mean the abusive ex-boyfriend?"
"You know me well enough to know I wouldn't put myself in that situation again," she said.
I thought I did, I thought, but didn't say. She seems to be putting herself in that situation again. That seems to be exactly what she's doing.
I know her well enough to know that she's a different and much stronger person than the picture she's painted for me of her wild youth.
I know her well enough to know that she can talk a good game about being independent and strong and is perfectly able to tell herself that the concessions she makes -- to her life and safety and well-being -- are acceptable.
More worryingly, I don't know him at all. I don't know him well enough to know whether he's the same person he used to be. I don't have any reason to believe he isn't.
I'm too young to have to worry over my friends like this.
Unfortunately, it appears it's a catching disease. The same week, the owner of the boarding barn drop-kicked her husband out the door and took up with her ex. With startling rapidity, the ex moved in. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, except that he's recently started converting a perfectly good pasture into a motocross track.
Yes, you read that right. A motocross track. At a horse boarding facility. That's going to end well. Sure, it's got lip service for also being a "extreme horse course," but let's face it: it's a motocross track. Complete with jumps. I really think that noisy motor vehicles flying through the air at a high rate of speed right next to the paddock containing my client's mustang -- who already runs into and/or through the electric fences at the drop of a hat -- is just what I needed. It completely puts the kibosh on the idea of eventually bringing my other client horse down -- that one literally jump/crashed her way out of a 5-foot pipe panel pen because I started skipping. I'm pretty sure a motocross track isn't something she'll be able to handle without losing her fucking mind.
I guess that would be okay though, since everybody else seems to be losing theirs, too. I mean, WTF? Seriously.
I mean, I'd love to get laid just like anybody, but if this sort of insanity is what it leads too, maybe it's not so great after all. (Or maybe we should all just learn to, you know... fuck like monkeys then kick the guy out. I'm all for the no-fidelity route as a lifestyle. I decided that just now.)
Clearly I need to like... get my own property (on Vancouver Island!) and be filthy rich. BY MAGIC! I'm sure after I answer this letter from the Nigerian prince, I can make that happen...
Mind you, I'm all for everybody's right to get and be married (in fact, I took my first foray into real political activism this past weekend with the Courage Campaign), and I also don't lend much credence to the idea that human beings are made for infidelity and we can't help but knock boots with random strangers. (I do believe that most of us would like to knock said boots, but we are capable of acting contrary to our primal urges. Mostly.) It's just that all the evidence around me has made me a tad cynical. So while I think a lifelong partnership is certainly an ideal and worthy goal, I just don't see that many people making it work. Not in my life, anyway.
Off the top of my head, I could only think of one married couple that I knew IRL that had real staying power: one of my friends had been married for over 20 years, and though she and her husband were often at odds, they also usually seemed to be very much in love. Which was why it was a shock to me when I called that friend and she told me she was leaving her husband.
I should say too that I'm not necessarily against divorce. Actually, I'm for divorce as a process and institution, because I think too many people get married in an attempt to fix a relationship that's already failing, or because they've decided that nothing better will ever come along, or because they're pregnant, or any number of other reasons that don't really center around wanting to be married to that person forever and ever. So I tried to be supportive of my friend's drastic change in life.
Until she told me that she had recently rekindled a romance with the boyfriend of her teen years. The one I had always sort of figured she was still in love with but better off rid of.
"Wait," I said. "You mean the abusive ex-boyfriend?"
"You know me well enough to know I wouldn't put myself in that situation again," she said.
I thought I did, I thought, but didn't say. She seems to be putting herself in that situation again. That seems to be exactly what she's doing.
I know her well enough to know that she's a different and much stronger person than the picture she's painted for me of her wild youth.
I know her well enough to know that she can talk a good game about being independent and strong and is perfectly able to tell herself that the concessions she makes -- to her life and safety and well-being -- are acceptable.
More worryingly, I don't know him at all. I don't know him well enough to know whether he's the same person he used to be. I don't have any reason to believe he isn't.
I'm too young to have to worry over my friends like this.
Unfortunately, it appears it's a catching disease. The same week, the owner of the boarding barn drop-kicked her husband out the door and took up with her ex. With startling rapidity, the ex moved in. Which normally wouldn't be a problem, except that he's recently started converting a perfectly good pasture into a motocross track.
Yes, you read that right. A motocross track. At a horse boarding facility. That's going to end well. Sure, it's got lip service for also being a "extreme horse course," but let's face it: it's a motocross track. Complete with jumps. I really think that noisy motor vehicles flying through the air at a high rate of speed right next to the paddock containing my client's mustang -- who already runs into and/or through the electric fences at the drop of a hat -- is just what I needed. It completely puts the kibosh on the idea of eventually bringing my other client horse down -- that one literally jump/crashed her way out of a 5-foot pipe panel pen because I started skipping. I'm pretty sure a motocross track isn't something she'll be able to handle without losing her fucking mind.
I guess that would be okay though, since everybody else seems to be losing theirs, too. I mean, WTF? Seriously.
I mean, I'd love to get laid just like anybody, but if this sort of insanity is what it leads too, maybe it's not so great after all. (Or maybe we should all just learn to, you know... fuck like monkeys then kick the guy out. I'm all for the no-fidelity route as a lifestyle. I decided that just now.)
Clearly I need to like... get my own property (on Vancouver Island!) and be filthy rich. BY MAGIC! I'm sure after I answer this letter from the Nigerian prince, I can make that happen...