I both love and hate you, universe.

This is why I enjoy the universe today:

Oh, Matt Bomer. Oh, Tim DeKay. HOW ARE YOU SO AWESOME?

What else makes me enjoy the universe, you may ask? This weekend I am going for a cruise in a tallship. Also, on craigslist I have scored a desk which is going to be totally bad-ass for my art projects; now I only have to really, definitely, for sure sell all this tack I have lying around, because otherwise there is no room. :-/

And these are the ways in which I hate the universe:

My truck is once again in the shop. They haven't called me yet to tell me what financial havoc they intend to wreck upon me, but of course yesterday -- the day the "check engine" light came on and things just generally started going from bad to worse -- was the day that I finally bit the bullet and spent most of my tax refund on trying to pay down my credit card balances (which are now ridiculously high from the last time I had to get the truck worked on). So in order to pay whatever I have to pay, I will most likely be... running up my credit card balances.

So I have discovered that I can in fact cause my vehicle to misbehave: all I have to do is make plans to go out of town. (This is the same principle as how I can make it rain by giving my horse a bath.) I was going to drive down to Mendocino tomorrow for the whale festival and to take pictures and to generally just be awesome and maybe even get some tattooing done, but now I dunno if I'll make it. I guess I should have figured. Joy is not allowed.

Also, as per usual, work stresses me out. Some days I long for the sort of job where you can do your shift, and then you get to go home, and you don't have to worry about deadlines or paperwork or working late or your computer being a piece of shit or whatever. I miss being a video store employee, where my biggest worry was whether I could convince anyone to rent any cool movies (short answer: not generally).

Of the long list of things I could have to complain about though, I'm not doing too horribly at the moment. Mostly I just need a nap.

wherefore art thou, linkage?

Speak of the auto repair man and he shall call your phone. IT'S OK, I DIDN'T NEED ANY OF THAT MONEY ANYWAY. I LIKE MY CREDIT CARDS MAXED OUT. OMGWTF.

I am not going to cry, and I will tell you why: because that actually doesn't help anything. (Damn it.)

But hey, at least somebody is having a worse day than me: California State Senator Roy Ashburn was picked up for DUI... after leaving a gay bar. This is an item of note because Ashburn is one of that esteemed club of intensely closeted homosexual politicians whose political agenda is anti-gay. Dear Senator: We don't give a shit that you're gay. We care about this story because you're an asshole. (The Fresno Bee, by the way, is notable as its coverage simply fails to mention the more scandalous -- and one would think newsworthy -- aspects of the case, like that the Senator was leaving a gay bar and that he had a hookup in the car with him when he was pulled over.)

In other news along these lines, I keep meaning to mention that I recently watched a fantastic HBO documentary film called Outrage, in which the filmmakers take to task a number of national political figures who are in the same boat: they vote consistently and ardently against any sort of basic rights for homosexuals, while simultaneously being closeted themselves. What really amazes me about most of these men is that they aren't doing a great job of keeping their secrets: one would think that a person could just pretend to be straight and not, for instance, frequent gay bars or have gay relationships. I mean, plenty of closeted people have done it for decades, and it's horribly damaging but it is possible to live a lie in all sorts of different ways; we ask every gay member of our armed forces to do it every day. But instead, these guys tend to have had illicit or open affairs, go cruising the clubs, and generally behave as if they're people who can afford to be seen at these venues. And you know, I'm all for the inclusiveness of the gay community, but I don't understand how guys like this can show up at a gay club and not be beaten to death by an angry crowd. Normally I'd be extremely against outing anyone -- especially doing it on television -- but I can't find a single thing wrong with this film. It was fantastic, and if you have the chance, you should watch it.

Oh, and by the way, here's another Catholic sex scandal for you, but at least this time it's all about consenting adults. Consenting adults who like cock, apparently.

And in conclusion, I still don't know why anybody gives a shit whether anybody else is gay. It kind of freaks me out that straight people are so obsessed with anal sex. LOOK IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT JUST TRY IT OKAY? It's not like the gays are holding out on you. Straight people can do it too. Nobody's telling you what to do in the bedroom. (Although in the case of all these bitter old men, maybe they'd be better off if somebody did tell them what to do in the bedroom, because clearly they're not managing satisfying performance all on their own.)

In other news completely, here are some additional interesting links for today:

Apparently Mariska Hargitay and Kathy Griffin had a lesbian kiss scene in an episode of Law & Order: SVU, but it was cut by NBC. WTF, NBC. I thought the male 18-45 demographic was like solid gold to you people.

A 12-year-old girl on a Chilean island saved pretty much everybody from a tsunami. Girls are so fucking awesome.

Meanwhile, a woman in Saudi Arabia who had the nerve to file harassment charges without being accompanied by a male guardian has been sentenced to 300 lashes and 18 months in prison. Stay classy, Saudi Arabia.

Apparently dinosaurs are older than we thought -- by about ten million years. YEEEEEAH!

And finally, somebody on Reddit implored, Reddit, please share how you got over social anxiety and awkwardness. A lot of people would find it useful. Thanks in advance. I of course found this a terribly interesting topic, and a user named "eyeball_kid" totally blew my mind. His response? "Realized that being self conscious and awkward was really just another form of narcissism."

My world is now officially tipped onto its axis. Thank you, eyeball_kid. No doubt it is an all-seeing eyeball you have there.

F. M. L.

I just called my mechanic to see how they're doing on my truck repair; it was 5 o'clock and I was getting kind of nervous that they hadn't called yet to tell me they were done, especially since they'd had the thing since like 10am.

So he told me that they're not done yet and I won't be able to pick it up until tomorrow. (I guess this is a sign that I am getting my $850 worth?) So I was trying to figure out how I'm going to get home, considering that I have my dog with me and I'm supposed to be using my truck to pick up a desk on my way home and the person selling it is going to give it to somebody else if I don't get my ass there. Also, I have a horse to feed, and all of the people I could call for a ride are about to go out to dinner together, so they're not exactly available. So I said, "Do you have any loaner cars?" And he said, "No. You could get a rental, but they're closed."

And that was when this strange feeling came over me, and suddenly my skin turned green and I went into this total 'roid rage and I ripped my favorite pair of purple trousers.

Luckily, my supervisor was still here and I begged the keys to the company truck off her, even though I'm not actually on the insurance to drive it. (So, undoubtedly, something horrible will happen on my way home.)

This is doubly unfortunate because the fact that these guys apparently thought nothing of leaving me stranded at work with absolutely no means of getting home kind of tells me that I need to find a new mechanic, and I hate finding a new mechanic. Also, the incident offers a saddening glimpse into my life, wherein people tell me, "You're SOL, bitch, suck it," and I'm all, "Oh, that's okay, I guess," and I always say "thank you" when I end a call, like "thank you for royally screwing me just now, I really enjoyed it." My supervisor was all, "WTF?! I would've been yelling at them on the phone! You need to give them hell when you go in to pick up that truck tomorrow!" I am not capable of giving anyone hell, at all, but I will try. I will try my hardest.

You know, my mom once told me that when she left my dad, she actually went to an "assertiveness training" class. I wonder if anybody still offers such a thing. I could kind of use it. I think. I mean, maybe. If you think so too. *insert emoticon here in shape of pathetic wallflower*

good night and joy be with you all

Just in case any of you need a little lift as much as I do, here's Glen Hansard of The Swell Season and The Frames, covering a traditional tune called "The Parting Glass."

And just for the record, if I should die I would like for Glen to perform this song for me at the wake. In fact, I think I need to devote my life to becoming so wildly successful that I'd be the sort of person who could pay for Glen Hansard to come sing at my wake. :D